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In this episode my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in-person and written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills or to keep a level head in heated discussions.
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About Chris Voss
Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations.
Recognized globally as a leading authority on negotiation, Chris developed his approach through decades of experience in crisis negotiation. Today, he and The Black Swan Group apply those principles to business, sales, leadership, difficult conversations, and high-stakes communication through The Black Swan Method® and Tactical Empathy®.
Never Split The Difference has introduced millions of readers around the world to Chris's negotiation methodology. Through The Black Swan Group, Chris and his team help people go beyond understanding the concepts in the book and develop negotiation as a practical, repeatable performance skill through training, coaching, practice, and live experiences.
The Black Swan Group offers in-person negotiation training, live and self-paced online negotiation training, coaching, keynote speaking, and advanced negotiation experiences for business owners, leaders, sales professionals, and other professionals who want to become more effective dealmakers.
Learn from Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group:
Timestamps
00:00:00 Chris Voss
00:02:18 Sponsors: Plunge & ROKA
00:04:59 Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness
00:11:41 Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music
00:18:59 “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing
00:28:38 Generosity
00:32:46 Sponsor: AG1
00:33:44 Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration
00:39:40 Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”
00:48:15 Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions
00:54:46 Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries
01:01:09 Sponsor: InsideTracker
01:02:18 “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation
01:07:47 Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”
01:15:42 Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues
01:20:39 Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”
01:26:47 Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience
01:32:16 Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes
01:37:35 Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling
01:45:17 Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality
01:51:41 Physical Fitness, Self-Care
01:57:01 Long Negotiations & Recharging
02:02:40 Hostages, Humanization & Names
02:08:50 Tactical Empathy, Compassion
02:15:27 Tool: Mirroring Technique
02:22:20 Tool: Proactive Listening
02:29:48 Family Members & Negotiations
02:35:21 Self Restoration, Humor
02:39:01 Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects
02:47:45 “Sounds Like…” Perspective
02:50:54 Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter